How connected are you?

In a fast-paced online space, how much time are we allowing for in-person connection?

Last week I decided to take myself for a solo lunch date. I love spending time alone in this way, although it’s rarely something I prioritise. But I wanted to get out of the house, eat some nourishing food and read my book somewhere warm and cosy. I arrived at the restaurant after a semi-stressful struggle of trying to find a parking space (it appeared everyone had the same great idea I’d had). And the restaurant was heaving. Initially my heart sunk – if you’re anything like me, you’ll understand the sinking feeling of when your very specific plan isn’t looking like it’s going to, well, plan. (I’d already mentally ordered and enjoyed my favourite meal, it wasn’t really an option for that not to be possible).

I wasn’t in a rush, so I decided to read my book whilst I waited for a table - and a little time later, I ordered my usual and sat down. I noticed a lady who’d been waiting behind me was also on her own - I asked her if she wanted to share my table as I wasn’t expecting anyone. Her face lit up - she was grateful, happily obliged and, for the next few minutes we carried on with our own bits and bobs as we got settled in our seats opposite one another. When our food arrived, she asked me what I’d ordered, and for the next hour we sat and chatted about our careers, our health, where we grew up, quantum physics (!), hobbies and everything in between. 

It was a breath of fresh air and one of the nicest, most easeful lunch hours I’ve had in a long time. I left the restaurant with so much more than I’d come for and felt truly energised and content for the remainder of the day. That, along with a few other serendipitous reminders of late, alerted me to just how much I’ve missed and have been craving, more regular, meaningful, in person interactions - more specifically with my work and hobbies. 

The internet is undoubtedly a marvellous creation and has been integral to me discovering likeminded souls in this space; - but more recently I’ve been experiencing some serious ‘internet fatigue’. So often we are too rushed or too stressed to explore making a spontaneous connection and I wonder how big a part technology and the world wide web plays in that? Staring down at artificial light with tunnel vision not only means we miss out on everything peripheral to that space, but it also activates our sympathetic nervous system and our fight or flight response. So if we’re constantly looking at a screen, consumed by that habituated doom-scroll, obsessively refreshing our emails or re-opening an app after forgetting we’d literally just checked it, will we have much energy to extend outwards for anything else? And moreover, how will this impact our mood and our likelihood to expand our lives outside of that space if we’re constantly activating our stress response?  

And what happens when finding or seeking community with others becomes more frequent through the online space rather than in person? I think for me, that looks a little like loneliness and disconnection. Connections online are a beautiful thing, I’ll never take for granted how pivotal it was for me to share about mental health struggles in this space, and the conversations it opened in my inbox and in real life – or being able to pick up the phone and FaceTime a loved one on the other side of the world - having these options available to us are a privilege. But community in person isn’t comparable for me in terms of how it *feels*. It enables us to tap into that physical and mental sensation that we are part of something bigger than ourselves. Without it, the world subconsciously becomes smaller, when actually its vastness is far beyond our comprehension. Don’t worry, it is not lost on me that I’m talking about craving more physical connection through an online medium…but part of me feels, I can’t be alone in this?

I’d love to know if this rings true for anyone else – if you’ve noticed a dulling in your being, a lack of enthusiasm for what to do next, what to embrace now or, even a deep sense of loneliness regardless of whether you are spending time with your friends and family but haven’t been able to pinpoint why?

It took me a minute (circa years) to realise this was a missing puzzle piece for my health and wellbeing – and so this year that’s my intention. More connection and community in ‘real’ life – in as many forms as possible, especially when it comes to my work.

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